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Benidorm 2012

Sambuca, Flamenco Rumba outfits, Donkey-ote, Beach Dodgeball . .

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Theme tune - they played it enough!


With London being in the full grip of winter, anticipation ahead of Custard's first foray to sunny Benidorm was high - not one but two Custard teams were making the journey and what a trip it turned out to be . .

In typical Custard style plans had already gone awry before we'd even arrived at the airport.  Newbie's fine idea of taking Friday off to enjoy a leisurely afternoon in the luxurious surroundings of Gatwick's Jamie Oliver bar and restaurant was scuppered by tour organiser Boysey delaying him by already being majorly hungover after post-dodgeball drinks had escalated the night before. 

At least they both made the flight - unlike poor Nuk who had underestimated the commute from her school in the Arctic Circle North London and arrived at Gatwick about three minutes before the plane took off :(   You were missed Nuk, was very frustrating that as you weren't there we couldn't fine you for poor time-management ;-)
The plane journey itself was largely uneventful - usual mix of Stevo's1, push-ups and a drink or two to pass the time.

Boysey's one useful achievement in his hungover state had been to sort out a coach to transfer us from the airport to our hotel - only challenge now was how to smuggle some drinks aboard to keep our liquid intake topped up.  Loose and Tom W stepped up to the challenge . . 
part 1: buy the booze - check
part 2: get back to the coach before it leaves - check
part 3: smuggle the booze on board without being detected - epic fail

It was an evening flight which meant that we didn't get in to Benidorm itself until 11 or so at night - this led to incontrovertible evidence that Hot Custard ARE the party: tournament organiser Stephen called us up, somewhat panicked, to say "where are you guys - all the teams are being quiet and we need you to come to the bar to get things going".
Luckily this SOS call coincided with our own plans so after a brief check-in to the hotel we made our way to the Heartbreak, one of Benidorm's finest many establishments.

By this point we'd met up with grommets Tom D and Kate who'd boldy flown out to Benidorm that morning and embarked on an epic all-dayer - Tom D was out for the count but Kate was made of stronger stuff and happily joined us for her second major session of the day, it would clearly take a lot more alcohol than that to get the better of her . .

When we arrived at the Heartbreak it was clear that the other teams were just going through the motions as Stephen had said and that we had some serious work to do to raise the tempo there - not a problem as despite not getting there until midnight we managed between 2 hours (Frank, not bad for him) and 5 hours of fun before zig-zagging back to the hotel for a couple of hours kip, ideal (and normal) preparation for the comp!

Saturday dawned nice and sunny, meaning factor 200 suncream for Bridget and Boysey, despite it being November.  Everyone made it to the grounds miraculously and we then had time to pass out for an hour or so before the first games, or to show off some new dance moves in the middle of the pitch in a Custard hoodie, depending who you were . .

The two teams (Hot Custard Conquistadores and Hot Custard Flamencos) enjoyed mixed results in the group stages (i.e. Conquistadores mainly lost and Flamencos mainly won), leading Conquistadores to a cup shield plate bowl final and Flamencos to a Cup semi final against our drinking partners for the weekend, the BBRs.  BBRs looked stronger on paper than the Flamencos and so it proved, more importantly a great game of walking-touch was improvised by both teams to finish the game :-)
The Conquistadores then turned on the style in their final game before marching triumphantly on to the bar.
Oh, almost forgot: a select group from both teams (Axe, Marcel, Scooby and Ange) created a new sport called Tire-Rolling which involved one or more of them getting into a large tire and .. rolling.  No injuries amazingly, good work peeps, Yes Marcel!

Couple of beers in the clubhouse and then back to the hotel for Court. Some of the boys did a booze run - they came back with beers, cider, Jäger, Martini Rosso and Sambuca (might seem excessive but there were 23 of us - it all got drunk apart from the Sambuca, more on that later . .).  Fines-Master for Court was none other than Moz, back for his twenty-fourth last-ever-Custard-trip.  Moz is an accomplished Fines-Master (probably because he's done it so many times by pretending that each Custard trip is his last) and he quickly established control (no mean feat considering that serial-court-offender Anna was present and sat next to the equally voluble Loose and Bridget).  

There were too many classic moments during Court to mention all of them, but here's a quick synopsis:
  • The Kazoo
  • Ange dressed as a Romanian fortune-teller
  • Axe dressed as a Romanian fortune-teller
  • Axe being sent to the Naughty Room
  • Axe appearing naked out of the Naughty Room
  • Laurie saying "I don't want to see a naked boy" while simultaneously craning to see said naked boy
  • Laurie saying "I haven't been fined much" followed by 18 hands going up ready to fine her in succession
  • Axe.
After court, looking resplendent in our Rumba outfits, we continued on our merry way back to the Heartbreak for drinks with the other teams.  As mentioned the Sambuca was still intact, and Moz wisely wanted to keep it away from the usual reprobates.  Fatefully he gave it to Kate to smuggle along to the pub - by the time she reached the pub there was far less Sambuca to smuggle in than appeared possible, culminating in Tom D heroically carrying Kate home on his shoulder, only walking into one tree while doing so.

The most spectacular entrance to the Heartbreak though was definitely Tom W, wearing his Rumba costume while sitting on none other than Donkey-ote, the pantomime donkey who'd made his debut at the Nativity Play a couple of weeks earlier.  Who has photos of this by the way?

Usual post-tournament messiness then ensued at the Heartbreak, if anyone can help fill in the gaps that would be great. One noteworthy moment was Frank smokebombing but then returning like Lazarus, never seen before and not likely to happen again.  

Boysey had coerced everyone into a late flight home on the Sunday - downside to this was major fatigue on Monday but upside was plenty of time to sleep in on Sunday and plenty of time for beach games too in the avo - epic games of dodgeball, baseball and football on the beach, only low point was the ever-brittle Scooby receiving an Axe-wound to her ankle during the football . .

All-in-all a top weekend, Benidorm is definitely on the Hot Custard touch map now.  Next trip is also to Spain: Valencia on 9th March, who's in?  Until then amigos . .

1: A "Stevo" is a lunge, complete with fist-pump, 9+1 to be completed on saying t-e-n (heel click on the last).